Other Ramblings...

Thursday, 15 November 2012

Who Knows?

I never quite know whether to tell people about Geoff/eating disorder things.

Obviously, the people closest to me know because they have to, because otherwise some of the things I do, or the fact that I rarely eat a proper lunch, or my lack of enthusiasm some days appears odd.  I want to be really open and honest, and just accept the fact that both mental illnesses are a part of me, and something which is just another part of my life, but I'm just so bad at telling people.

I think that the problem is that I'm still embarrassed and relatively bad at talking about either.  I find it difficult to explain the strange things I have to do, and it's also challenging to explain the anxiety side of the illness to people, which is really important, otherwise they just think, 'Hmm...OCD.  Yes, I'm quite tidy; we must be the same...', and then assume I'm making a big fuss over nothing.

I told one of my friends about the eating disorder today.  He was very quiet all afternoon, and I really hope I've not lost him to it.  I shouldn't have done, because he's much too lovely for that.  Maybe I'm just imagining it?  I tend to do that as well.

Another thing which I find difficult is that I don't want to be seen as the one who needs extra attention, or the one who has to be treated specially.  What I want to say to my friends is this: I'm the same friend after I've chosen to tell you about my mental state as before, so I don't need treating any differently.  I'm very used to handling myself, and so I don't need help with anything, unless I specifically ask for it.  I just want to be a normal person!

So, really, it comes down to whether to tell people and risk them getting the wrong end of the stick, or thinking that I want a lot of attention, or not telling people and then them thinking that I'm strange, or wondering why I do things.

I don't know.  If anyone does: answers on the back of a postcard, please!!!


  1. Funny - I just had a conversation with a friend the other day about this kind of thing. This friend has known that I have OCD for about a year. She was asking me if I read something she sent to me online and I said, "No, it would have triggered me." Then she apologized and said that she never thought of that and that she wouldn't send me stuff like that anymore. I told her not to worry about it and not to worry about whether stuff triggers me or not. It's my job to decide what will trigger me or not and it's up to me to take care of myself. I would prefer that other people would treat me normally. Anyway, I know EXACTLY what you are saying.

  2. It's so hard and though I don't have any answers for you, I do understand what you're saying.

  3. Yet again, it's so lovely to come back to my blog and find such lovely, supportive comments awaiting me. Thankyou!