It's Friday, 7th December.
That is about the only certain thing in my life right now. I want to cancel my doctors' appointment. I don't want to talk to anybody professional about anything at the moment, because I'm finding it difficult to think, let alone explain things to someone I don't know who sees me as a name on a list of tasks to complete.
I love my friends. I really do. They are amazing people, and I really don't think that I deserve them, because I'm just a huge burden. I owe them all so much. I hope that they realise that I'm grateful, because I really, really am. I don't know how to tell them quite what it means, and I'm constantly amazed that they still want to spend time with me because I don't think I'd want to be my friend.
I don't really know why I'm writing this, other than I'm sitting in bed in the middle of the night with nothing better to do; no motivation and a lump the size of Australia in my throat for no particular reason.
Nearly everyone else I know has a better reason than me to feel sad and lonely, but I'm the only person who seems to be falling apart at the seams.