An Apology.

I have a mental illness.

Yes. 

And when I read about other people with mental illness - and I'm being really honest here - I feel frightened of them.  Like when you see a drunk person walking towards you in the street and you want to cross over to avoid them.  

And that is something I am really ashamed of.  Because, honestly, I am really no different to any of those people who I see on TV or read about in magazines.  For goodness sake, if anyone found me doing any of my compulsions, or I told them what was really going on in my head when they asked what I was thinking about, they'd think that I were actually crazy.

And I'm not.  Am I?

I'd like to think that I'm not, anyway.  As much as, when I stop and think about it rationally, I'm sure that the people who I'm 'frightened' of aren't any different to me either.  In fact, I wish that I could meet a lot of them, because I don't actually know anyone of my own age who has the same 'issues' as I do.  I wish that I did, because sometimes it'd be nice to talk to someone about what's happening inside my head.  It's very lonely being the only person in the world who can't flick mid-song in case it precipitates the end of the universe.  And who gets an anxious knot in her throat typing that in case it makes it 'come true'.

So I want to say that I'm sorry that I ever watched your Youtube video, or read your blog and thought you were weird.  Because you're not.