I went to the doctors' four weeks ago on Tuesday.
It was one of the biggest, bravest things I've ever done in my life. I thought that it would be the beginning of getting better.
But no, apparently not. Because my referral hasn't come through. The doctor said that, if I hadn't heard anything in four weeks, then I'd have to go back. Presumably to remind them that I still exist and I'm still not eating anything.
All I want to do is get better because I'm so hungry and I've got to the point where I'd just like to be normal, yes please thankyou very much.
I know I shouldn't be moaning, because I'm really lucky to have access to free healthcare, and to be able to go and get counselling without having to worry about the financial aspects. I know that. But it would be really nice if it actually worked, and I wasn't waiting for months and months whilst I'm losing even more weight, and destroying my health even more.
Last time I had CBT, I had two sessions and then the counselling service had an overhaul and they 'temporarily discharged' me for over a year. By the time the letter came, I'd got past the point where I desperately needed help - because these things tend to run in cycles - and, although I still had a problem, I chose not to accept the help.
It seems that getting better is just about impossible.