Other Ramblings...

Saturday, 1 September 2012

Making Sense. As If.

On Monday, I have to go on holiday with five of my friends.

A normal reaction to this would be excitement.  I know because I'm having to pretend this is how I feel.  Emotionally, I'm not good at much, but I can produce quite a convincing 'I'm excited' conversation...  

Of course, for those of you who've read before, it's quite evident that my reaction is going to be anything but normal.

I am terrified.  And I am not exaggerating.  I would rather go out for a day without being able to make my bed properly, or eat a whole tub of butter than go on holiday on Monday.

This is the part of my OCD that I find most isolating; most embarrassing; most frustrating.  When I go on holiday, I miss my house and I miss my routine and I miss my Mum.  Everyone else I know goes away for the week and doesn't think about any of that stuff, or whether they turned off all the sockets in their room, or whether they've left any incriminating evidence around their room.  When I go on holiday with my family, I find it difficult, but at least they understand and are willing to accommodate my 'quirks'.  It just wouldn't be fair to expect the same from my friends.

Does it ever get easier?


  1. I can empathize with you. It's difficult for me, too, to be in a group of people who may not understand my weird habits. It has been a while since I've done that, but I remember the difficulty. I hope you are able to still enjoy yourself with your friends and just being away. I've actually read that OCD can get better away from home sometimes.

  2. Hm... I struggle with this too and like you I can do a fake excited mood.

    It does get easier sometimes but other times, it is still hard. I am learning that it all depends on where my anxiety is at the time. Sometimes I can do a lot socially and other times, I can't do much except for go to work and come home and get really anxious if I'm invited out somewhere.