I want to skip the track on iTunes. Really badly. That's the problem with having it on Shuffle; when I get to a track I don't like, I still have to listen to it in its entirety because OCD won't let me change it until it's finished. It drives me mad. What's going to happen if I do change the song prematurely?
Well, either nothing or my sister will be horrifically homesick at University; I won't have any friends next year; I'll make horrible mistakes at work and get fired...the list seems endless today.
Today, I guess, has been a bad day. But that is because I am a jealous person, so I probably don't deserve to have a better day than that, anyway.
My sister is settling down at University, and today she has had a nice day, for probably the first time. She is doing things by herself and has made new friends. And I'm stuck here at home. I wouldn't ever, ever, ever want her to have anything but an amazing time, because I love her to bits and more, but I wish, just sometimes, that it could be me going off to live in a new place and do new adventurous things.
I don't want to go back to University. I don't think I can do it. It took me so long to get settled and make friends and I'm not sure I can do it again. I know that I've been so incredibly lucky that there were people who were prepared to put up with me last year; I'm more grateful to them than they realise, I really am.
In case my sister ever happens upon this blog, it's not your fault and it's nothing to do with the way rational brain feels about you - I love you both very much and it makes me feel very happy that I have both of you in my life - I'm just sad that I am me sometimes.